| Finito... for now. |
[Dec. 19th, 2005|05:30 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  hungry | ] |
| [ | music |
| | "Happy Frappy," Guster | ] |
I thought this thing had expired, but I guess I was wrong! Oh goody.
The end of 2005 is approaching faster than a speeding bullet. Every year we say the same thing: "I can't believe how fast the year went by!" So it's really no surprise that I blinked my blue eyes twice and suddenly it was December. Holiday music in every store imaginable, 05-in-Recap TV shows on every station, and countless references to the Holy Lord's a-birthin'.
In true holiday spirit, last night Adam G. (fresh off the east coast, finally!) and I witnessed a rumble in the Grove parking lot. With absolutely no spots in sight, (this is a Sunday night, mind you) frustrated people were following multi-bagged shoppers to their cars. After a turn into the out hole, I went to turn around only to find an obnoxious woman standing in a spot to save it for her friend, and a pissed off old guy in his car trying to pull into it. They argued, screamed, he blocked the entire road, and a trail of 25 cars were packed in behind me for about 15 minutes, honking and cursing and threatening to call the cops. The woman wouldn't budge, and the man refused to move his car.
I would have cried, but I was too busy laughing.
Crisis finally averted, we did Valet and hurried off to see "The Producers," which was thoroughly enjoyable but a bit disappointing.
All references to Holiday insanity aside, I am pretty content right now with how this year has turned out. The past three months of fall quarter have been really fun, and I've had a really great time up at school. Definitely one of my best quarters. Peace has been made with old friends, my job is kickin', (in a good way) my singing talents have been in demand, and my classes were--for the first time--ALL enjoyable. My boyfriend is wonderful, my family is healthy, my roommates are fantastic, and everything went smoothly during fall quarter 2005.
The rest of the year has been, for the most part, a splendid one. I ventured to Europe for three months and had the time of my life; I celebrated my big 21st birthday, traveled to New York twice, and experienced some beautiful things. Here is a month-by-month recap of 2005's highlights:
JANUARY
A welcome start to the new year. First annual Hella Cappella. Cold weather met with warm snuggles.
FEBRUARY
Celebrated my 21st birthday in style. Wine tasting in Santa Barbara wine country. Traveled to DC for the Spitzer Forum. Met Barbara Boxer and visited John Kerry's office.
MARCH
Threw an AMAZING surprise birthday party for my Jew Fro. Traveled to New York together and had a wonderful time. Ate really good pizza. My first pre-interview at HUC.
APRIL
Departed for Europe for three months!! Moved into my new home in Santander. Traveled to Mallorca, Madrid, and started learning the Spanish lanuage. Muy bien!
MAY
Still living in Santander. Traveled to San Sebastian, Santillana del Mar, Barcelona, and spent way too much time listening to iPod and walking on the beach with friends. Truly beautiful.
JUNE
Travelled to Rome with friends, then met Mom in London where we departed on our mom-daughter trip for 2 weeks. Visited Nice, Monaco, Florence, Venice, Milan, Lake Como, Zurich, and London. Came home after 3 months abroad on June 29! Ate a lot, lot, LOT of food.
JULY
Saw my Jew Fro for the first time in 3 months! Spent the summer working for my Cantor and puttering around LA. Visited Davis and nearly had heat stroke.
AUGUST
Went to Disneyland with the family and Adam. Still puttered around LA, ready to go back up to school.
SEPTEMBER
Celebrated Mom's birthday. Started my Senior Year of college on Sept. 29th. Did yoga for the first time in three years.
OCTOBER
Led High Holiday services at the synagogue in Davis with Rabbi Alfi. Had an amazing experience. My brother turned 16 and got his driver's license. (eek!)
NOVEMBER
Celebrated 2.5 years with Jew Fro!! Staffed a temple retreat to Camp Newman and had an amazing time. Traveled to New York with the family for Thanksgiving. Went on antibiotics twice.
DECEMBER
Ah, December. Hannukkah time. Kicked ass (hopefully) on my finals. Am venturing to Las Vegas on Thursday to have some quality time with the fam.
There are some highlights for my year in review. There have been many horrible things that have occured this year (cough cough...Katrina). I wish the celebration of the holidays wasn't met with this dark cloud looming above us. Still, events like that can only aid us in helping appreciate what we have.
Wishing you a happy and healthy 2006.
Jaclyn |
|
|
| Back in the USS...A |
[Jul. 10th, 2005|11:41 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  nostalgic | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Gipsy Kings | ] |
Does anyone still read this thing?
It's been months since my last real entry. The one most previous was just a feeble attempt to post a mass email in live journal form, which turned out pretty shiesty but I had no desire to fix it. Now that I'm back safely in the good ole US of A, it seems completely unreal that I just spent the last three months in the most incredible environment I could ever have imagined. Looking at pictures makes me giddy, and all the things I saved for a future scrapbook take me back to a time when I had never felt more free.
Spain was without a doubt the most incredible experience of my college career. Everyone seems to say that when they come home from studying abroad, and now I understand why. It wasn't that every single moment was perfect, or that I spent every day drunk and happy lying on the beach getting tan. (Far from it!) It wasn't that I was in this constant state of happiness. The experience was, in fact, quite a challenge. The weather was bad in Santander for 75% of the days we were there. The food was a disaster and kept me far away from my skinny jeans, which I am now working my way back into. The Spaniards were not so nice to me, which several of my friends commented on and yet nobody could figure out why. I was far from the home I love, far from the people I care about and miles and miles away from a Starbucks.
But for the first time in my life, the negative stuff did not get to me. The disadvantages of being in Santander were things that I saw as trivial, and they did not affect the overall feeling I had while being in Spain at all. The positives so far outweighed the negatives, and I could not help but enjoy myself completely, even during the difficult times. I laughed more during the last three months than I ever can remember.
I met the most wonderful people. Truly fantastic, good-hearted people. Out of the 30 people on our program, four were boys. That meant 26 girls, but not just any girls. These were 26 strong, independent, brave women with incredible senses of humor. Every single one of us got along; everyone seemed to mesh well together. I have never been with such a great group of random people, and it was an incredible feeling to make new friends going into my senior year of college.
Every experience we shared was memorable. While in Spain I visited Palma de Mallorca, Madrid, San Sebastian, Santillana del Mar, Bilbao, Barcelona, and finally Rome (Italy) our final weekend. The experiences one has while traveling are always extremely memorable. Every trip was met with its challenges, every hostel we stayed in had its quirks, every city had at least one moment that you just wanted to pound your fists into the wall and yell "Ay, Dios MIO!" And yet I still had such a blast, and such an incredible time. Every place was new and exciting, and I shared it all with my new friends who I feel will be in my life for years and years to come.
I came back speaking a new language! After five years of French and six years of Hebrew, I felt it was time to learn a new language. At first I spoke in broken French every day, but as time wore on I learned more and more Spanish, and now I am semi-fluent! The classes were incredible, and my teacher Gema is the most fantastic profesora I've ever had. Everything was taught so differently than in the states, probably not in the most kosher way. But these teachers found a way to communicate with college-level students, they got us to think and learn and speak a completely new language. It was amazing, and I do feel confident speaking Spanish now, which is amazing for only having 2 months of classes. (The equivalent of a full year of college-level Spanish)
When my time at the UIMP (Universidad Internacional Menendez Pelayo) was through, I headed off on another incredible journey, this time with my mom. First I stayed in London for three and a half days by myself. That was an incredibly liberating and emotional experience, traveling alone and being on my own. Though I met up with a few people there, I was on my own most of the time, and at first it was completely strange and very lonely being separated from my new friends and all my experiences in Spain. It was also strangely liberating to be able to do anything I wanted at all times; I was completely in control, and no one could stop me. All I had was my trusy iPod to keep me company, until it broke the day before I was to meet mom. Ah, c'est la vie.
Mom and I began our journey by flying from London to Nice, and then from Nice we went on to Monte Carlo, Florence, Venice, Milan, Lake Como, Zurich, and then flew back to London for three glorious days. The whole trip took two weeks, and when it was over we were completely exhausted. It was my goal to see as many cities as we possibly could in those two weeks, and because of that we were tired and sweaty all the time; our feet were killing us at the end of the day and I would be happy to never set foot on a train again! And yet, it was all totally worth it to be able to see these places I have wanted to go to my entire life. The pictures don't even do it justice, how beautiful and priceless my memories are. It was really awesome to spend the whole time with my mom; getting to know her on a different level and being able to have an experience, just the two of us. We had a fantastic time.
We came home a week before the horrible terrorist attacks in London, and it made me incredibly thankful to be back. The whole time I was in Europe I kept praying that nothing bad would happen, that we would all be safe and happy, and we made it home okay. However, it made me so sad when I looked at the pictures and realized I was right there, three times, taking the tube everywhere. It was awful to think about, and heartbreaking.
Despite that, I still look back on the whole experience and cannot believe I did it. I cannot believe I almost didn't take the chance! It was such an adventure, such a cool experience full of incredible people and memories. I am thankful to be back, but I cannot wait to return. Coming home, seeing my whole family together again, was wonderful. Seeing Adam three days later brought this wave of happiness over me that I forgot existed. I missed him more and more with each passing day, and so to be able to finally see him again brought an endless smile to my face.
Dorothy said that there's no place like home, but there's also no place like Europe, and I miss it endlessly. I can't wait to go back.
Jaclyn |
|
|
| hola from españa! |
[Apr. 14th, 2005|11:37 pm] |
Buenos Dias, mi Amigos!
Santander is simply beautiful. A much bigger city than we all expected, it has multiple
neighborhoods and levels to it I have yet to explore. The school we are at is about four
blocks from a gorgeous beach, and the other night a bunch of us went out for some sangria
and walked along the shore at midnight. It was so calm and beautiful!
We have barely explored the downtown area, which is an hours walk along the beach and a
ten minute walk through a shady tunnel. Needless to say, we have stuck to the beach path
but plan on exploring after class this afternoon. There are some beautiful buildings,
some incredible squares, and many many restaurants and bars. I think everyone´s tour
books made Santander out to be a beachside Davis, but that is so not the case! It´s huge!
I cannot even describe to you the beauty of the downtown area and beaches, so I will
simply send pictures as soon as I can.
Classes are fantastic, and much more interactive than any Davis classes I´ve taken. We
have four hours of class a day, which is a bit rough, but our main teacher, Gema,
(pronounced Cchhhhema) is so fun and loud and energetic that class simply flies by. We
are learning Spanish as if we are in kindergarten learning English, and that makes it muy
facile. I am a proud Spanish 1A student (the lowest lowest level) but I know a lot more
Spanish than I previously thought. The only difficulty is that I keep mixing up French
and Hebrew when I want to talk. It´s frustrating, but I know that with time it will get
easier. The way we are learning is so vastly different than taking Windward Français, and
so different from Davis language. I love it!!
My roommate Becca is wonderful, we are getting along really well and have the exact same
sleeping pàttern. Yesterday we took a 4-hour long siesta, along with the rest of our
exhausted American friends, and went for a walk before our dinner (which starts at
8:30pm!). There are 26 girls and 4 boys on our program, and 2 of the boys have
girlfriends with them! Therefore the girls have all stuck together and bonded, and all of
them are just nice, outgoing girls. A bunch of us cuddled and watched Zoolander last
night, and it was muy cute.
The culture clash has not been bad at all. The DC food is very different, but I personally
think it´s really good. We have not really eaten out yet, since we´ve only been here four
days and stuck to the dining hall like scared little freshmen. We are venturing out to
the world of paella and tapas tonight! There is a LOT of ham, inexplicable,
unexplainable, ubiquitous ham. It doesn´t even make any sense!
The only weirdness I felt was walking into El Corte Ingless, a huge, HUGE HUGE HUGE
department store. I couldn´t understand anything and I got really frustrated when I could
not find conditioner, which they keep separate from the shampoo... maybe in an attempt to
keep the two from combining and starting a party in the 45th aisle. It was super
overwhelming, but I got some ice cream to calm myself down and everything was A-Okay.
So, bottom line, I love it here and I am so happy I did this. I have not had a single
moment of anxiety or freaked-outedness, which you know is very unlike me. This is a
beautiful place and I am hoping to figure out the downloading pictures thing on a random
computer. My dad is coming next week for 2 days and then we are flying to the island of
Mallorca in the Mediterranean Sea for a few days before he has his conference. I am so
excited!!!
If any of you feel so inclined, I added my room´s phone number to the contact info and
would love to hear a familiar voice or two. Keep in mind there is a 9 hour time
difference!
I miss you all and I am thinking of you lots. I tell my new friends stories about each and
every one of you. Send me some emails back!! I want to know what´s going on in Davis, and
all of us want to be up on the D-town gossip!
Te amo,
Jaclyn |
|
|
| it's time for an update |
[Feb. 10th, 2005|11:59 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  content | ] |
| [ | music |
| | iPodness | ] |
It's been too long, friend. And a lot has changed.
I turned 21 on Monday and celebrated in several different ways. First I celebrated beautifully with Adam in San Francisco. We ate a lovely meal, saw a great play, and then were headed off to see the Big Lebowski at midnight on an actual movie screen... but fate had other plans. Influenza struck my boyfriend down with a vengeance and caused him to lay on his deathbed for three days. Taking care of him was quite an experience. It really makes you see how much you love someone when you see them so vulnerable.
Then I had dinner with friends, which was lovely and tasty. We took up the usual Thai Room at Sophia's and sat on the floor with no shoes. Then the Spokes baked me a cake (mmmm) and sang to me at rehearsal.
And then came the actual passage from illegitimate occasional alcohol-drinker to full-on legal bar hopping babe. I entered my first bar at 12:01 am on Sunday evening with Ben, Jessica, and Ronen. It was quite an experience drinking legally in a formal setting. Being able to sit at a bar and not feel the rush of anxiety over whether or not you will be thrown out or arrested for trying to have a good time is something I have waited so long for. And for the first time in my life I did not feel like an uncomfortable bumbling drunk. I felt responsible and happy and fun. And that was that.
My actual birthday was lovely. Simply lovely. Adam garnered the strength to come out to Davis and be with me, the hero that he is, and together we drove to Napa to relax and meander through the vineyards. We had a beautiful dinner and came home to relax and watch "Sex and the City." I received wonderful phone calls and delicious cards from people, and plenty of IMs and Facebook messages to boot. It was a beautiful birthday, and thankfully I have yet to experience an anxiety attack over growing one year older.
Life is slow right now. Slow and perfect. For the first time in my life I do not feel overwhelmed by anything. Deciding to take only twelve units was a great choice. I have been successfully splitting my weekends between Berkeley and Davis, respectfully, and I have been able to see people I haven't seen in forever. It's quietly heartbreaking to think that I won't be around next quarter during my favorite time of year. Knowing that I will not be living with the DAJJ for much longer... it just brings a tear to my eye.
Spain has been an up-and-down emotional rollercoaster for the past month. At times I am thrilled to be going, and other times I am terrified. I bought all my plane tickets and am slowly formulating my navigation of Europe afterwards, but I honestly have no idea what I'm doing. As excited as I am, it is going to be a challenge I welcome with open arms.
And that is my life in a nutshell.
-Jaclyn |
|
|
| good karma |
[Jan. 17th, 2005|10:53 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  tired | ] |
| [ | music |
| | The Shins | ] |
I found a $100 bill on the floor of an independent bookstore this weekend. ONE. HUNDRED. DOLLAR. BILL.
Holy fucking balls. Five dollars is exciting. Ten dollars, wow. Twenty, that shit is golden. But 100? What meshuggannah would drop a $100 bill?
I gave it to the cashier since I could not fathom putting that in my pocket. It was so far from being my money.
I went back the next day and asked if anyone had claimed it, and she said no. I told her I wanted to donate it to the Tsunami Relief Fund. She said it was allright if, after a week, no one had come in looking for it.
The cashiers seemed perplexed, but pleased.
I hope to spread goodness towards others.
The End.
-Jaclyn |
|
|
| bueno! |
[Jan. 13th, 2005|06:05 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  ecstatic | ] |
| [ | music |
| | "Captain Max," the KGB | ] |
I'M GOING TO SPAIN!!!!!!!!!!!
After what seemed like an eternity of deliberation, I finally realized that I would be a fool to pass up the opportunity of a lifetime. I was so caught up in staying here because of my responsibilities, guilting myself into thinking that going abroad wasn't really for me.
But I finally let myself go. I'm finally doing something adventurous, wild, fabulous, and exciting. I'm throwing the rules out the window! And I'm NOT taking my cellphone!
As much as I will miss everyone I also know that this is something I have to do for myself. I know I will grow and learn and appreciate so many different things, from the wonderful relationships I have waiting for me at home to the glory of living in a completely new environment without knowing a lick of Spanish. I cannot wait to challenge myself.
I am excited and terrified and overwhelmed and ecstatic and scared and confident and so much more... but I am also really happy I made this decision and that I am going to be doing something amazing for myself. And I cannot wait to travel through Europe and experience new things.
I leave April 5th, which gives me plenty of time to say goodbyes. And do a lot of preparatory shopping.
I'm excited!
Love you all,
Jaclyn |
|
|
| happy Jew year! |
[Dec. 29th, 2004|11:39 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | cheerful | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Beethoven's 5th Piano Concerto | ] |
Christmas came and went, and as usual I spent it eating Chinese food and seeing a movie. In Scottsdale. The trip was uneventful but relaxing; I was sick for most of it but pulled it together enough to eat. A lot. And watch a LOT of movies.
Phantom of the Opera. was. so. fruity. Seriously there were oranges and bananas flying everywhere, it was horribly bad. But in a good, musical sort of way. The Phantom was mysteriously mid-90s sketchy sexy but when the mask came off I was horrified. Minnie Driver was erratic but if that was her singing I am way impressed. I could have done a better job as Christine than that Emmy girl, zing.
Oceans Twelve was solid. I went in with low expectations and was actually quite impressed with the way they shot it; very sixties and very mod. The locations were beautiful and if you suspended belief, you could actually grasp the story. I liked it.
Meet the Fockers was frustratingly funny. The travails of Gaylord Fockers and co. was only funny because of Barbra. She was fantastic. I don't like paying for movies when I already know the punchlines from the trailers. It was okay.
And continuing with Ben Stiller movies, Dodgeball was farty. It was somewhat humorous but once again I already knew all the punchlines. Really nothing else to say except I loved the Chuck Norris cameo.
Jersey Girl was the biggest disappointment. The only retribution that movie had was watching JLo croak. The story was uneven and Ben Affleck did a really bad job playing the dad. It was the most un-Kevin Smith movie I have ever seen, and where were Jay and Silent Bob? Shame on you, Kevin. I expected more from you.
And then I returned to L.A. and found myself watching the final eight episodes of Sex and the City on DVD. It breaks my heart to watch it all over again.
Tomorrow Adam is coming to visit and celebrate New Years! New Years... what an overrated holiday. A bunch of brouhaha and conflict with people on what to do and where to do it, when all you're doing is going from 11:59 to 12:00, and that happens every day!! I'm going to host a New Day Eve party sometime in April, just because. And my boyfriend will be at my party because he is teh sex.
I'm tired but cheerful. And I am not ready to go back, not after my dinky two-week high school-esque winter vacation.
Suck it, Vanderhoef!
Jaclyn |
|
|
| december is for sinners... |
[Dec. 19th, 2004|10:24 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | tired | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Death Cab for Cutie | ] |
The quarter finally came to an abrupt end yesterday at around 2:10pm. I waltzed out of my Beethoven final surprised at my knowledge of the musical genius and proceeded to shut off the fuses and close all the windows of 122. Adam and I piled my luggage high in his schwagon, and together we sailed off into the sunset toward Berkeley for a nighttime concert at imusicast featuring the Plain White Ts and the Matches.
Since the venue is very much an all-ages location, I felt at least five years too old to be there. Teenagers were falling off the walls and open water bottles flew high up in the air. I got sprayed, hassled, stamped, stomped on, pushed, shoved, and probably bruised. But it was a fun way to conclude the quarter that never wanted to end.
Finals week was the best week of the quarter. No classes, no meetings, and almost nothing to do but lounge around the apartment going over notes and making dinner with your roommates. I consumed more alcohol this past week than I have for most of the quarter. (A whopping 3 glasses of wine, thanks!) I absolutely adore my apartmentmates, and I will shed a fatty tear when the day comes for 122 to disband.
Finals week is not just a time for studying. (or, in my case, learning what you never seemed to pick up on back in week 7) Finals is also a time for some introspection; some thinking, if you will. I realized that I am so much happier this year than I was at any point while in Davis last year. Even when I started to get healthy last winter quarter, there was always something sad nagging at my sleeve. I was miserable at home and therefore spent as much time escaping as I could. The sad thing is the impact its had on my friendships. I wish that I did not feel such hostility from the girls I thought were my friends, but sadly that's the way they want to have it.
Sometimes you wonder what's your fault and what is not. Is it my fault for wanting to be happy? By jeeves, yes it is! I must take responsibility for wanting this verboten thing called happiness. But the thing is, I can't pick up the pieces for other people. I can only try to be the best person I can be and hope that everything else falls into place.
Surprisingly, as one group of women has exited my life, the Spokes have become my closest friends. I never thought I would be so lucky as to find such wonderful and talented women. We all get together to share intimate dinners and soon we will be bridesmaids at each others' weddings. It's quite rare to find a group of girls who all get along so well. It saddens me that our group will change next year when the juniors go abroad and Elana and Allie leave Davis. But for now I must enjoy and be thankful that they are there to fill the void that comes in and out like a transient fool.
Winter Break is finally here, and all my plans include are catching up on the latest Lindsay Lohan and Jessica Simpson drama and watching the rest of "The O.C." Season 1 DVDs. To all my friends, I wish you a happy and healty new year and a safe and merry Christmahanukkwanzukkah.
Much Love,
Jaclyn |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Dec. 3rd, 2004|11:49 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | good | ] |
| [ | music |
| | "Warning Sign," Coldplay | ] |
Enjoying one's day is heaven. Having a smile on my face and a laugh in my chest for several hours makes life seem so much more glorious.
Trying something new can be invigorating.
Cold weather can be warming. The crispness of clear weather wakes up your senses.
Looking at the stars on a freezing cold night is beautiful.
Being told you "carry yourself well" by someone from the past induces a glow.
Performing for 300 people is intense.
Having 300 people give you a screaming and standing ovation is amazing.
Missing your family can be heartbreaking.
Loving your roommates is a blessing.
Missing your boyfriend is a heartbreaking blessing.
Guacamole is a beautiful thing.
Red wine is tasty.
Feeling good about yourself for just a few hours is a priceless gift.
-Jaclyn |
|
|
| mmmfood |
[Nov. 27th, 2004|05:38 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  calm | ] |
| [ | music |
| | "California"-Phantom Planet | ] |
I have now seen every episode of "The O.C." My mom purchased the DVD box set--all 27 episodes from season 1--at Costco for the bargain price of $51.00. At first I questioned why someone would spend the same amount as one-fourth of a mini Ipod on a DVD box set. Alas, I was sucked into the first three discs, and now I can safely say that the show was truly magical in the beginning.
Marissa, Ryan, and the Cohen clan have completely elevated my Thanksgiving weekend experience. My family has now become obsessed with the early episodes of Season 1 and has thus spent several hours the past few days bonding over our Orange County obsession.
That being said, I am very thankful for "The O.C." on DVD.
We spent the night of Thanksgiving stuffing ourselves with delicious food. Surrounded by family and friends we went around the table and talked about what we are thankful for at this time of year. By the time we got to me, I had already heard "family," "friends," "health," and "happiness," so I said the one thing everyone forgot to thank; the thing I wished had been present at the dinner table.
I am so very thankful for guacamole.
The past few days have been a blur; now it's Saturday night and I'm ever so thankful for booking a flight on Monday night. Really, who cares about Beethoven anyway?
Thanksgiving is always the funniest holiday. At first you think you're the only person who chose to return home for the holiday, but then you realize that everyone thought the same thing and suddenly you're not the special world traveler anymore. Thus you make plans with people who had the same idea as you and therefore spend a delectable amount of time chatting and coffee-ing with people from your past.
Last night I got together with some old Windward o'tweezies. It was odd, to say the least, but somewhat interesting and beautiful to spend a few hours with people who have not changed a smidge since going off to college. I looked incredibly hot, with my new hair and hot low-cut jeans that make my rear end positively stellar. And yet I felt the same way I did in my high school days: overweight, not well off, and somewhat disliked. It was weird, being around a bunch of people who are just as Los Angeles-y as they were when we graduated. They talked about their new cell phones, their parents' expensive new cars, and who from our class got plastic surgery. I so much as breathed that my parents had purchased a new Honda and I could feel the stares boring through me.
The funny thing is, I don't think they know any better. When I came to college I was the rich girl, the slim one, the girl from L.A. I stopped comparing myself to other people and felt so much better about myself. The people I went to high school with grew up in the same environment, and not many of them have branched out, so how can they know the difference?
I walked away from the evening thankful for being as grounded as I am. I may not be perfect, and yes I know I can be superficial, but at least I know there's a lot more to life than that. And I'm sure that deep down, my fellow o'tweezies do, too.
I must say that I am most thankful for having a loving family who celebrate my return from up north. I really love spending time at home, and I am so thankful to be able to say that.
I love Thanksgiving.
And guacamole, too.
-Jaclyn |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Nov. 10th, 2004|01:37 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  curious | ] |
| [ | music |
| | My Love is Your Love, really! | ] |
I never thought one seemingly mild emotional entry would spark such a political war. |
|
|
| now what? |
[Nov. 3rd, 2004|03:27 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  cynical | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Bruce | ] |
And now that all is said and done... how do I feel?
I feel as though I'm walking around in a hazy fog. I can't really see or function properly, I know that sadness and depression exist within my body but I can't really grasp them. The difference is, I look around me and everyone seems to look the same. People's faces are so ashen, so disappointed. Everyone just seems to think the same thing: "I can't believe it fucking happened."
Although it would have greatly surprised me if Kerry had won last night (I expected him to win after a drawn-out process of recounting) I did not expect the events to unfold the way they did. First exit polls showing that Kerry was going to win; then Bush "getting nervous" and Karl Rove making a stink to the news channels that THEIR information was "different." Then just one after another, each state that Kerry had a lead in suddenly appeared to be swinging in Bush's favor. At the end of the night, all I wanted was to go to sleep and make it all go away.
But I couldn't sleep. And neither could my mother. Neither could people I spoke to this morning. Because the pain wouldn't go away, for any of us. The sad and harsh reality that we live in a Christian world kept playing over and over in my mind; that we live in a corrupt country where a man who has, without a doubt, created more problems than ever existed before he took office, won the presidency for four more years. And then to wake up this morning to the news that Kerry conceded even before Ohio was through; it really made me feel empty. It made me feel helpless.
Despite my vehemently pro-Kerry stance throughout this whole thing, I really took the time to understand the "other side." I really reevaluated my stance on many issues, including abortion, gay rights, a possible draft, and more. While I still stand firmly in my beliefs, I take great pride in the fact that I actually listened to them; that I didn't just write them off as rich assholes, crazy motherfuckers, or dumb hicks. The sad reality is that you know they didn't take the time to understand our side. For the most part, you just know that they stuck firmly in their Bible-banging, tax-cut-keeping faith.
I think the worst part of the night came when I spoke with Jake in Australia, who told me that "everyone in this country thinks America is fucking nuts." And then Michelle in Prague said, "what the fuck is going on in that country? Everyone here is furious."
Then this afternoon, upon opening my email, I found a tearjerking, hearfelt email from John Kerry, who wistfully claimed that he wished he could embrace every single one of his volunteers for all they did for him. I started crying when I read that, mainly because if Bush had lost he would have told his supporters to fuck themselves and ridden his horse back to Crawford. It just goes to show you what strength of character Kerry has; what a strong man he is to have done what he did.
I just wish there wasn't such a strong division in this country. While yes, I wish that the "red states" thought more like we did, I understand that they don't. I accept the fact that Republicans have a different way of looking at the world. What I don't accept is why they think that a world where civil liberties are eliminated and not everyone prospers is better than a world where more people benefit from the Democrat's way of thinking: civil liberties, democracy for all, separation of Church and State like our forefathers intended. I never will accept that, and I will always feel animosity towards them.
So now I will try to move on, just as we all need to do; it's the only thing we CAN do. Those of us who are lucky enough to live in California should celebrate our freedom. Those of us who are lucky enough to be in college should keep abreast of what is happening in the world, and not let Bush get away with the things he did in his first term. We need to be strong, and we need to fight. Not fight for separation but for unity; that we try to come together to accept what is and make our country stronger.
Because really, it's the only thing we can do.
Jaclyn |
|
|
| Happy Halloweenie! |
[Oct. 31st, 2004|03:35 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | tired | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Symphony no. 7, opus 92: Allegretto | ] |
So, things are good. I can't complain. I mean, I can if I really want to. But I choose not to. Today. It's just one of those quarters. Everybody feels off. I blame the fact that we started in October. I'm doing my work, I'm trying to concentrate, and yet... oh and yet, I am not getting the sweet satisfaction of knowing that I've done a good job. It's so frustrating.
My classes aren't very good, only because the professors themselves aren't very good. I am a firm believer that professors make or break the class, and a LOT of breakage has been going on recently. Nutrition 10 is so much harder than anyone makes it out to be. It's very intense! I hate science. Bah, humbug.
Life is pretty good. I feel like everything is going so fast. It's going to be November tomorrow, and the Spokes are going to SoCal in less than two weeks. And then it's Thanksgiving, and it's just so fast-paced. I guess that's just the way it is.
The Spokes are doing well, though not having Camaron here for the year is just as difficult as I knew it would be. I've been doing so much for the group and I feel that it's not reciprocated; I have single-handedly planned our entire trip to L.A. and Santa Barbara and I haven't gotten so much as a helping hand from any of them. I understand that I choose to take it on, but I guess I wish that the group flowed better. I feel like Camaron was the alcohol that flowed through us, imbibing us to create better music and socialize and flow better. Oh, I miss my alcohol.
Jew Fro played a huge show last night at imusicast in Oakland. I must say, the kid was fantastic. His band, the Urban Achievers (as in the Little Lebowski ones) is actually really good! They work really well together, and you can tell they like performing together. Most of these indie-rock-punk-emo-whatever bands are really generic, and they suck. I must say that Adam's band does the opposite of suck.
The show they played was their first really big-deal show. It was a part of this thing called Hell3 which takes place every year on Halloween. The show was completely sold out, wall-to-wall moshers with too much Rockstar energy drink in them, and we were clearly the oldest ones there. (Except for the parental units, but you just don't count them) The headlining band was absolutely incredible, one of the best bands I have ever seen live, ever. They were hilarious, and I highly recommend checking them out. They were... Suburban Legends. Sooooo good.
That about sums it up. I'm tired and I'm cranky, but that's the way life is. I can't wait for Thanksgiving in 24 days. I can't wait to sit on my ass and not do anything.
Oh, and by the way...
IF YOU DON'T VOTE ON NOVEMBER 2ND, YOU OFFICIALLY HAVE NO SOUL.
Love, Jaclyn |
|
|
| I want so badly to believe that there is truth and love is real |
[Oct. 12th, 2004|11:59 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | good | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Postal Service | ] |
And in the last minute of October 12th, I thought I'd let you know how I was feeling.
Classes are progressing as classes tend to do. I am already bored, annoyed, tired, what have you; most of all I miss the freedom of summer vacation. It's only been two weeks of school, I've already had classes canceled and I've barely done a thing. And yet, I feel exhasted and worn out.
Every fall I question school and its validity. This fall is the worst its ever been. I think the biggest reprocussion of the FVC situation is that I now think everything is bullshit and I don't trust a word anyone says. Anyone being teachers who are trying to provide eager minds with material they will soon be tested on and forced to memorize. Information that will evaporate from my mind about three and a half seconds after my final exam.
Aside from the monotonous drone of fall quarter classes, life is going fairly well. Life in 122 is much more pleasant, much less hostile, and just all-around better than it ever was last year. Nothing is ever perfect, and while I wish the kitchen sink were a little cleaner, I can deal. Oh I can deal.
Unfortunately too many people have passed away in recent days for me to be truly happy or exstatic about life in general. No one I knew closely, but there are too many associations. Almost all of them died of cancer. My theories on pollution and my own sanity nonwithstanding, it freaks me out to no end how much shit we're putting in our air. And yet, I still drive a car. I still use things that damage the Ozone layer. We all do. How do we make it better?
Tomorrow night I'm leaving for New York City. My cousin is getting married and my family is making a bit of a vacation out of it. I was incredibly excited for the four months leading up to it, and now for some reason I'm in whatever mode. Maybe it's because I've realized I have to be on a four hour twenty minute flight by myself. Even with Jet Blue's Direct TV promise, that's still a bit torturous! I also really dislike flying. I always pretend like, woo! So fun! I love to make friends in the air! But really, I'm ready to throw up and claw my hands against the window during takeoff and through every bit of turbulence. Gosh darn movies where planes crash. I hate 'em.
I am really looking forward to seeing my family and Joanna and Alana, and of course taking the Sex and the City Location Tour with mommy. Free cupcake included! I love New York and I hope that spending the weekend there reinvigorates my desire to go to Cantorial School there.
I hope you are all having lovely, lovely days.
Until we meet again,
Jaclyn |
|
|
| I am thinking its a sign that the freckles in our eyes are mirror images |
[Oct. 3rd, 2004|01:59 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | content | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Garden State soundtrack | ] |
In the time since my last LJ update a few things have changed.
First, I got a few hairs cut. My hair looked bomb for a few days and now it looks exactly like it did pre-cut. My hairstylist Kristine got married a few days before our appointment and she was still completely glowing.
I moved out of my parent's home in LA and back into my apartment in Davis the day after Yom Kippur. The move happened really fast, probably because one day I was atoning and the next I was smelling cows. My dad and I caravaned up the 5 with April and saw far too many W/04 stickers for my liking.
I started classes as an upper-classwoman here at UCD. Thursday was my first and only day of class, and in all three classes I received a syllabus and was let go early. For the fifth quarter in a row I have no Friday classes, something I believe to be a personal achievement. I will, however, be enrolling in classes on the Sabbath next year when I take Hebrew. I guess I just need to put it off for as long as I possibly can.
I returned from my summer vacation to discover a blue bike locked to my green bike in the backyard of the Sigma house. I was a bit shocked by this, since there are about a dozen or so bikes back there and all of them are locked to themselves. Thinking it was simply a fraternity brothers prank, I sent out an email to the Sigma listserve to see if maybe one of them was silly enough to do such a thing. When I heard back nothing, I had to take drastic measures. April helped me carry the two bikes across the street to campus for TAPS (the Parking services people) to cut off the lock that conjoined the two bikes. The other bike was impounded by TAPS.
About an hour after my freed bike and I reunited, I found out that the bike I impounded actually belonged to one of my sisters; one of my pledgelings, in fact. She was really pissed off and annoyed that I had done such a thing. I felt shamed by guilt and disgust, but then I promptly realized the simple fact that no one in their sane mind should ever consider locking a bike to another bike. That's just wack. And to not respond to an email? Wack.
Those Sigmas. So wacky.
My new roommates are wonderful and I love them dearly. We had our first party on Friday October 1st entitled: Oktoberferst. Very clever, eh? The apartment is really nice, living across from the ARC is doing wonders for my workout schedule, and being able to coexist on the same plane as my boyfriend and my roommates is simply wonderful.
I can't believe I'm back in school and faced with the imminent threat of homework and reading. I miss my family a lot, and it feels much harder to be away from them this time because I actually lived at home this summer and got so much of them. Sometimes I wish that life were like a movie, that I could yell cut when I wanted and just walk off set to my trailer, which would really be my family's house in LA. Not just my nuclear family would be there, but my entire family: grandpa, cousins, aunts and uncles. And all the people who were ever truly nice to me would be there eating cake and cookies and drinking Pinot Grigio. Jew Fro would be there too, but he'd be drinking orange juice.
I have cable in my room.
Thatisall.
Vote Kerry.
Jaclyn |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Sep. 20th, 2004|06:02 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | loved | ] |
| [ | music |
| | "Fever," Kylie Minogue (seriously) | ] |
My Jew Fro is wonderful. Seriously, one of the most amazing people I've ever met. I feel privileged to even know him.
I scored the Hillel Koret Internship, and I'm really proud of myself.
That is all. |
|
|
| A Grand Ole Pooper |
[Sep. 11th, 2004|04:05 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | accomplished | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Jack Johnson | ] |
I finally feel like I've made a difference. I feel accomplished and so proud of my mother and myself. Today we got about twenty people to register to vote in the two hours we spent at 3rd Street Promenade in Santa Monica tabling for Kerry.
It may not seem like a lot, but to me it meant everything. Instead of feeling helpless, instead of feeling like the GOP will turn this into an unfair, biased duel instead of a fair, partisan race as it should be, I felt great. I met interesting people, I connected with others, and above all I felt more hopeful. I met other people; logical, intelligent people, who told me that they cannot understand what Bush supporters could possibly be thinking.
And that got me thinking.
What the fuck are they thinking?
I understand that some people are simply of a different mindset. I understand that certain individuals have certain views of the world they simply will not change. But here is what I want to know. Why on earth would someone support a candidate who has done horrible things, things you simply cannot argue with? This is a president who:
-Lied to the country and thus led us into a war that may never end
-Plans to reinstate the draft for the war in Iraq, thus taking your brother, your boyfriend, your best friend, to fight in a war that has no justification
-Ignored information from the FBI about Al Quaeda planning an attack on the US
-Created a tax cut for the wealthiest 2% of the population, thus making the rich get richer, and making 98 perfuckingcent of the country poorer and poorer
-Believes that all abortions should be made illegal, thus implying that women should not have control over their bodies
-Has ignored healthcare in this country while his hands were deep in the pockets of insurance companies, thus contributing to my father leaving his medical practice
-Has allowed the Assult Weapons Ban to expire, thus legalizing GUNS AND WEAPONS THAT KILL HUMAN BEINGS!!! including the automatic weapons used in the Columbine killings
-Has made us an enemy in the world around us, feeding to the already growing sense of worldwide animosity towards Americans
-Has virtually ignored the environmentalists, Global Warming warnings, and EPA (Environmental Protection Administration) in his time in office
-Wants to change the constitution to make Gay Marriages AND Civil Unions illegal
-Spent his college years coked out of his mind
-Carried out the most amount of executions in Texas when he served as its governor
-Avoided the Vietnam War, (understandable) but then made John Kerry, a decorated war hero, look like a liar
-Doesn't even read the god damn newspaper!!!
Okay, these are facts, people. And while I recognize that John Kerry is not a perfect human being, I cannot imagine anyone telling me that my above facts aren't true. They are true, they are real, and they should make Kerry trounce Bush in November.
And yet there are people who still support Bush!
I want to know why.
I seriously, honestly, want to know why. What can you possibly offer me as an explanation? Don't give me that Israel bullshit. For the last time, Bush doesn't give a shit about Israel. Not inviting Arafat to the White House for tea and crumpets does NOT MAKE BUSH ISRAEL'S BEST FRIEND. Giving Ariel Sharon free reign over the Promised Land does NOT MAKE BUSH ISRAEL'S BFF.
Do you really think that a hardcore, fundamentalist Christian who believes that God is guiding him through his term in the White House truly cares about the Jews? READ YOUR BIBLES, people!! Do you know what rapture is? Yeah, didn't think so. Read up.
So now, I want someone to explain to me why they are supporting an administration that wants to send you, you college-aged strapping young individual, to Iraq to fight in a war over oil and nothing else. There was no connection between Osama and Iraq, and don't you forget it.
Seriously, someone explain to me why they are voting for Bush. Don't bullshit me. Give me the evidence. Give me the details. Give me the T-R-U-T-H!
Thanks.
-J |
|
|
| venting |
[Sep. 8th, 2004|08:33 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  bored | ] |
| [ | music |
| | "Possession," Sarah McLachlan | ] |
There is a great deal of inequality and injustice when it comes to the length of one's summer vacation. It happens to be the eighth day of September, and I am twenty two days away from starting my junior year.
The summer before I started college was the longest period of time I have ever sat on my ass. I made the mistake of trusting the GAP corporation with providing me income and experience over that summer. I was hired to work there in late May, but never actually started on the floor. I blamed the economy; the first post-September 11th summer was a slow one for those of us looking for work.
I spent four months tooling around Los Angeles. It was the longest summer I ever had, and since the last four months of senior year were like an extended vacation anyway, I felt like I'd been summering for nearly a year. I did a few jobs, such as promoting a teen girl self-help website and faking tattoos at parties and events. I dated Eliav Appelbaum for about two months, thus sending me to Santa Barbara several times. I spent the majority of my days shopping at BB&B and Target to create my ultimate dorm room. It was a lovely summer.
This summer did not pan out the way I expected it to. I thought I would be living in Santa Barbara until only recently, thus providing me with a heavier wallet and slightly less of the boredom factor. But unfortunately I've spent the past month and a half feeling almost sorry for myself, uncomfortable in my old environment, and missing Davis more than I could imagine. I wish I could have stayed up there after the big move-in, but September is a tricky month. Tomorrow is mom's birthday, day after is her brother's birthday, (weird, huh) then it's the Hillel Brunch, (have YOU RSVPed?) Rosh Hashana, Adam's visit, Yom Kippur, and countless mandatory appointments.
The truth is, if I were already back at school and in classes, like the immense majority of college students, I wouldn't feel this confused. If the UC system weren't some kind of rebel fighting the man and making its students wait til October to start their first full week of classes, then maybe I would feel a little less jilted. The truth is, the semester and quarter systems don't seem equal, and it bothers me.
Starting school a month after everyone else does not a merry person make. All your old friends are gone and your new friends are either away on vacation or too lazy to get in a car and come up the hill to see you.
Bah, humbug. Give me something good to read.
Jaclyn |
|
|
| Whoa! |
[Sep. 3rd, 2004|12:22 am] |
Minutes after my last post, I received this email from Mary Beth Cahill. John Kerry will make a speech in Ohio in the next couple of days. Here are some reasons why he kicks an unbelievable amount of ass...
Excerpts of John Kerry's Upcoming Remarks
The election comes down to this. If you believe this country is heading in the right direction, you should support George Bush. But if you believe America needs to move in a new direction, join with us. John and I offer a better plan that will make us stronger at home and more respected in the world. And we need your help to do that.
For three days in New York, instead of talking about jobs and the economy, we heard anger and insults from the Republicans. And I'll tell you why. It's because they can't talk about the real issues facing Americans. They can't talk about their record because it's a record of failure.
We all saw the anger and distortion of the Republican Convention. For the past week, they attacked my patriotism and my fitness to serve as commander in chief. Well, here's my answer. I'm not going to have my commitment to defend this country questioned by those who refused to serve when they could have and by those who have misled the nation into Iraq.
The vice president even called me unfit for office last night. I guess I'll leave it up to the voters whether five deferments makes someone more qualified to defend this nation than two tours of duty.
Let me tell you what I think makes someone unfit for duty. Misleading our nation into war in Iraq makes you unfit to lead this nation. Doing nothing while this nation loses millions of jobs makes you unfit to lead this nation. Letting 45 million Americans go without health care makes you unfit to lead this nation. Letting the Saudi royal family control our energy costs makes you unfit to lead this nation. Handing out billions of government contracts to Halliburton while you're still on their payroll makes you unfit. That's the record of George Bush and Dick Cheney. And it's not going to change. I believe it's time to move America in a new direction; I believe it's time to set a new course for America.
And we have a specific plan to do just that. So tomorrow morning, John and Elizabeth and Teresa and I are hitting the road across America's heartland. From here, we'll go out and talk with Americans in towns across Ohio, Iowa, Wisconsin, and Michigan. And because a stronger America begins at home, we'll talk about our plan to create jobs, cut taxes for the middle class, lower health care costs, and make America safer and more secure. |
|
|
| my time to rant |
[Sep. 2nd, 2004|11:48 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  determined | ] |
| [ | music |
| | "Mona Lisa," Guster | ] |
I spent the last three days in Davis moving from the Sigma house to my new apartment in the glorious Colleges. Moving is a bitch, but everything that could have gone wrong with the Colleges went right. And, true to form, I had to deal with unnecessary drama down to my last night in the Sigma house. Even though my mom got her and I a hotel room, I elected to spend my last night in my old room with Adam by my side. It was so hot I couldn't sleep, mosquitoes feasted on my flesh, and I was rude to a sister who was even more rude to me.
But, I am no longer a resident of that toxic house. I will always keep a place for it in my heart, but I cannot say I will miss it too much.
For the first time in my life I cannot wait to start school. I can't wait to live with Adam, Dan, and Jordan. I cannot wait to bond with my neighbors and have them over for tea and cookies. I have never been so happy to get going with a school year, and that makes me even happier.
In other news, I have been avoiding the RNC like the plague. It's not that I want to bury my head in the sand, it's that I want to avoid feeling nauseous and freaked out as much as I can. From the sound bytes I've been getting though, it sounds as though I'm missing quite a lot.
Apparently Elizabeth Dole (wife of former Republican presidential nominee Bob Dole) compared George W. Bush to Jesus Christ. In the words of my dear friend Robyn, "oy, that doesn't make Jesus look too damn good." During the first day of the convention, the entire group of people, a constituency of various religious backgrounds and faiths, prayed to Jesus and sang "Amazing Grace." Furthermore, September 11th has become the forefront of the convention, therefore implying that the Republican party is capitalizing on the deaths of several thousand New Yorkers.
I know I haven't seen it with my own eyes, but I still have something to say. You, reader of my live journal, have probably guessed by now that I am a Democrat, a "liberal" (that dirty word) or, gasp, a feminist. I am also a proud Jew, one who is preparing for a career in my religion and whose faith runs deep within me. As religious or faithful as I might be, I am of a mindset that the entire world does not need to be Jewish. I do not impose my beliefs upon others. I don't try to convert every non-Jew I see.
I also once learned, quite a long time ago, that the United States Constitution has a separation of Church and State. Period. The end.
I believe that each and every one of the Earth's inhabitants deserves to be happy. We all have the right to live as we want to live, believe in what we want to believe, and choose to do with our lives what we see fit. It seems to me that the Republicans have turned their party into a "do as I do, live as I live" group, wheras the Democrats believe that people are entitled to make their own choices.
Sigh. I have so much else to say but I'm so exhausted from saying it. I go to bed at night terrified by what might happen in November. I fear it because I feel it will destroy so many more lives and rip apart this country in unthinkable ways. It will hurt so many more people to have George W. in office for his second term. Whether people like it or not, having John Kerry in office will benefit the entire country in so many ways as well has uphold the freedom we all deserve as Americans.
You must read swivelmaster's live journal because he is much more eloquent than I am. I am tired and worn out, and I've said all this before.
Just think for yourself. Get your friends to register to vote. And open your eyes.
Goodnight.
Jaclyn |
|
|
| navigation |
| [ |
viewing |
| |
most recent entries |
] |
| [ |
go |
| |
earlier |
] |
| |
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
rockonq7's journal